March 24, 2003

Today was my first day at my new job. Things went ok I guess... not really sure what I think about the place yet. The people are nice and the place is clean and fancy and the soda machine is free and the poptarts are only 25 cents.... and the work looks like it is gonna be kinna interesting..... but it isn't hesh at all. It isn't loud at all. I have to dress nice and act nice and watch my language and listen to music on headphones. No one will ever yell "Waaaarrrioooooooorrrrr!" when I walk into the room... No one is gonna drop any f' bombs at the top of their lungs... no one is gonna say to me: "what's up dawg!" It isn't gonna be anything like my old job... hm.... *sigh*....... change is never easy.

hm... I am in a bad mood today. I don't really know why. I have no reason to be in a bad mood. I guess I am just wondering when my dreams are gonna come true? When is it gonna be my turn to rock the big time? When am I gonna get my chance to take a chance and make something great come of it. When do I get to go for broke and make my mark on this world? When do I get to rock the good life? When do I get to have fun.... when do I get to take over the world???? I don' t think it is gonna be anytime soon... though I guess you never know... ya never know when the world is gonna up and give you an un seen chance to become the king.... but at the rate I am going... it is gonna take time... a whole lotta precious time, it's gonna take patience and time... to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it to do it, to do it right!!!! hm... I don't know where that came from.... whatever... erf...

I need to make some changes. I need to go for what's mine. I know what I need to do... I just can't seem to motivate to do it. Where did all my energy go??? where did all my positive energy go??? What the fuck. I am in such a bad mood for no reason at all. This sucks. Snap out of it man!! Get a grip!!! Get a hold of yourself!!!! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!!!! What is my f'n problem.... get some direction... get some goals... get some dreams... that is what I need to do.... stop coasting through life like a ship without a sail... stop letting the current take you this way and that... get a fucking huge engine in your boat and crank that fucker to full throttle! hm... I feel a little better now. I will be ok.
--El Capitan

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