It is late. I can't sleep which sucks because I have to get up early and go to work on time tomorrow. I went and skated Vans after work. That usually puts me in a good mood. Tonight it totally bummed me out. There were tons of good skaters riding at Vans tonight. I use to be able to hang. I fell pretty hard doing a retarded back side fifty fifty on this lame bank to box type thing.... I felt like such a tweaker. All I could think about was: damn... I must look like the biggest poser here.... It really sucked. Once upon a time some I had some really good tricks wired there. Now I flail around like a bird with a broken wing. I kept trying to push myself to do something good so that I could feel better about myself... so that I could feel like I was still a shred dog... but every trick I tried ended up with either me flailing through the air like a loon or sliding on my back doing the ole stop drop and roll technique for putting out fires.... I sucked big time tonight... I would like to blame it on the fact that my board had no pop and my shoes kinna sucked and the fact that I have a little bit of a cold... but truthfully I know it is cuz I have fallen off lately.... All I do is go to Greer and carve around in circles... I need to start skating Vans more often so that I don't look like such a fucking wack old fool... damn... maybe I am getting to down on myself... yea... I think maybe I am.. but damn... when are things gonna go my way.... that last sentence has nothing to do with skateboarding... I don't even know why I included it here.... mental note: Don't let girls interfere with anything that has to do with skateboarding ever again... shooo....