There have been so many things that I have wanted to write about in these last couple of days.... but I haven't had the time.... or the energy... or the brain power..... where has it all gone... I have had a lot on my plate these last couple of days.... I have been thinking about a ton of things lately... memories from the past, thoughts about the future... feelings that have come and gone.... changes from then, changes from now... changes still to come.... old mistakes, mistakes to come.... paths taken... paths avoided... paths that are just around the bend. My brain feels like it is on overload.... my mind feels out of control and like it is spinning in an endless circle.

There are so many things changing for me right now.... so many constants have fallen to the wayside... so much change ahead... I feel like things have slipped and are slipping through my fingers... so many things where I sit back and wonder: "what if..." or "if only...." I have been doing a lot of thinking lately... maybe too much thinking actually.... So many things have turned out the opposite of how I thought they would. Sometimes for the better... sometimes for the worse.... but in many cases just totally different then I would have ever imagined them.... what gives? What the hell happened? How did this or that happen.... I did what?? They did what? What the f---?! So many questions are swimming in my head right now... too many of them are unanswerable... many of them are questions that even with all the answers would still be confusing and impossible to understand...... hmph... I wish there was an off switch on my brain right now... I need a break from all this stuff.....

Seems like everything is such and up hill fight right now... but then... is that so bad? I have always been one to live for the challenge... to chase down the victory against all odds... to go for broke and take destiny in my own hands.... life is so weird sometimes.... I dunno... too much for me to even put into words right now... I am gonna go read a book and go to sleep... maybe I will be able to put this into words later....
--Capn' Lostin S.S. Space